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- From freidus@wwnet.net Wed Nov 15 12:37:00 2000
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To: <colonial-coins@egroups.com>
Subject: A second colonial period?
Date: Wed, 15 Nov 2000 15:37:00 -0500
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X-eGroups-From: "Dan Freidus" <freidus@wwnet.com>
From: "Dan Freidus" <freidus@wwnet.net>
Can't wait to see the new coinage!
>> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>>
>> To the citizens of the United States of America,
>>
>> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
>> govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
>> independence, effective today.
>>
>> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
>> over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
>> she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
>> for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
>> world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without
>> the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded.
>>
>> A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
>> you noticed.
>>
>> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
>> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>>
>> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
>> Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
>> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
>> should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".
>> Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
>> "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
>> communication. Look up "interspersed".
>>
>> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
>> your behalf.
>>
>> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
>> really isn't that hard.
>>
>> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
>> good guys.
>>
>> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen",
>> but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
>> confused and give up half way through.
>>
>> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
of
>> football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
>> game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
>> borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
>> will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
>> football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It
is
>> a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
>> play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
>> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
>> armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby
>> sevens side by 2005.
>>
>> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
>> they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
>> is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
>> Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".
>>
>> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
>> national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
>> Day".
>>
>> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
your
>> own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.
>>
>> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>>
>>
>> Thank you for your co-operation.
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